How to Have an Accident in The Castle
by Monolaf317
Summary: Inspired by my two favorite Donald Duck episodes, J.J. Fate shows us that accidents aren't his fault- this time in a Frozen setting. Contains a little anachronism stew here and there. Meant to be semi-educational.


How to Have an Accident in The Castle

Howdy! I'm J.J. Fate…fall guy (troll spirit). My middle name is Jonah, and Jinx is in there too. Voodoo fits me like a glove! But Fate's my name to you.

Now, this is the land of Arendelle, Norway. This is an average Kingdom. These are average homes. Average people live in these homes. This Kingdom also includes a spectacular castle, home to the Queen and Princess on their way back from a day off from royal duties- trying to dodge the people and carts coming from all directions. But these are no ordinary Queen and Princess-they're very special siblings.

The Queen was born with magical ice powers, but is now within control after a series of traumatic events. The Princess is spunky, optimistic, and rather hot-blooded, completely unlike those Princesses of other Kingdoms of models of perfect postures and sophisticated grace. The two rush into the open gates simultaneously.

_Safe_ at home-they think. Ah yes, there's no place like home-to have an accident.

Do you realize that millions of people around the world suffered in home accidents last year? And everybody blames me, dagnabbit!

Just for example…

The Queen, Queen Elsa, is the responsible and quiet older sibling to walk around the castle carefully to avoid having accidents like the ones she had in the past. Oh, but the Princess, but the feisty Princess Anna! She sprints around the castle full of energy-her cheerfulness is pretty contagious, but she often acts before she thinks! Impulsiveness leads to carelessness, and carelessness leads to accidents!

"Uh. Ma'am! You watch where you're going!" I called from afar. "Oh, don't worry! I like, have the castle at the back of my head!" And with that, she crashed right into a servant who was carrying various heavy boxes. I couldn't look-I thought they had both been squashed underneath.

I rolled the foolish Anna on a stretcher into the Nurse's room of the castle. "Where am I?" she asked mindlessly while clutching her head. "Strictly nowhere." I replied while rolling my eyes. "Princess Anna, why does everything happen to you?" the Nurse asked exasperatedly. "It's Fate! That must be it! Fate!" Anna shouted.

Just listen to her blame me for her carelessness, huh! You know, nobody's perfect (we're all a bit of a fixer upper), but still, accidents just don't happen by themselves; they must be carelessly planned in advance.

So, step right up and have an accident. This castle, like the average home, is really a complicated piece of machinery. Equipped with all modern conveniences-for having an accident (if you insist). I see Anna trying to light a match to melt some chocolate when there's a leak in that old gas valve-(KABOOM!) (That room looks destroyed, and so does she!) She did.

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><p>The Princess doesn't mean to goof but-everyone knows an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of PAIN! (Look before you leap, especially if it's off a couch while trying to imitate the pictures on the walls)! Well, here we go again…<p>

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><p>This one is called a throwfloor, for obvious reasons! I watched the princess slide on the floor way to far, down right into the basement, and smash right into Elsa back-first against the wall- that must've hurt! Accidents happen fast, don't they? Let's just <em>slow the picture down and see how she accomplished it. Note how easy it is to have an accident. Just a few careless lea missed placed steps<em>- hold on, we missed one, let's try that again (replay of the careless step on the basement stair)! _And there you have it_…an awkward attitude by an inattentive accident-prone individual! See what I mean?

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><p>Aww, how sweet! Would y'all look at that, Anna is handing out balloons to little kids! A candle-near the edge of the table? Now SHE would be playing with fire if those balloons were dangling-oh no! Not there, stupid! (BOOM!)! (Yet another trip to the Nurse's room, sigh.)<p>

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><p>Anna is still learning about (drumroll please!)... <em>electricity<em>! She needs to know things like how that and water just don't mix! I look over to see her take a radio into the bathroom and put it near her bathtub-I see, to listen to music while taking a bath. She's better not be blaming this one on _me_! In the water, she reaches over to touch the dial-(POOF! BZZZZZTT!)!

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><p>THINK! That's a good thought! I was watching the Princess trying to put up a board on the top shelf of a closet…barely. Keep your thoughts on the cleaning, you're the cleaning might become-the board came crashing back down on poor Anna's head-<em>a<em> _headache_! She really got a _bang_ outta that one, hee hee! (I hope the _Nurse_ is okay with this…)

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><p>This particular maneuver brings to mind that old Chinese proverb: 城堡周围的职责应当具有平坦的浓度，你，或者你可能成为，扁平足.<p>

Translation: Duties around the castle should have flat concentration, from you, or you may become, flatfoot. (Proof: Anna put her tired back against the wall after helping Elsa, and then promptly got squashed by the sudden opening door!)

It's funny how I could just easily slide the flattened Princess under the Nurse's door!

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><p>It's hard to believe but, the royal sisters are really just upstanding average citizens, with average intelligence, heh heh. Kind, considerate, jolly and usually very cautious. The princess wouldn't take a chance sitting in an electric chair. But look at the chances she takes around her home.<p>

Being the laid-back person she is, she thinks in order to try to save time and effort, she had all those things like lamps and toasters plugged in into_ one_ outlet!

Everyone knows it's stupid to overload electrical equipment! (ZZT!) _Fraayyed cords...fraaazlled nerves._ I look over to see her stick a knife in a toaster, trying to get this "stupid crazy contraption" to work-(BZZZZTT! POOF!)!

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><p>She certainly wouldn't put her head in a lion's mouth, but… so now she's cooking with gas. She ignited a match to get a good look inside the oven-(BOOM!) (Oooh, impact silhouette hole in wall…)<p>

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><p>She's gonna burn her haaannd… (What part of "don't touch the handle like that-it's hot", doesn't she understand)? "YOWCH"! That must have been a really hot handle because… "Gasp! A scorch mark [on my dress]!?"<p>

Cleaning fluid, plus, stove, equals…asurefiremethodforremovingspots! (KABOOM!) (And the dress…is now ashes)

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><p>She wouldn't <em>think<em> of going over Niagara Falls in a barrel, but… this particular maneuver is called "Falling Down Stairs". (Just look at her tumbling down the stairs trying to carry a barrel)! There are many ways of doing this, if you aren't careful:

"The Bumpsy-Daisy Half Twist" (the cords of the new color TV tumbling down the stairs got _tangled_ on the Princess' feet, and down she goes!)…

"Jelly Roll" (poor girl getting her feet caught on the long carpet on the stairs, rolling all the way to the bottom!)…

"Catapult High Dive" (the working servants missed a step that's sprung up!)…

"Climbing, Mount, Everest" (that's what the Princess gets for trying to sneak all that food in her arms at once up the long flights of stairs!)…

"Riding a Rolley-Coaster (everyone knows it's stupid to leave things with wheels on the stairs!)!

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><p>Now Princess Anna doesn't mean to take chances-she's just impulsive. I look over to see the princess eating a sandwich and laughing at a silly dancer simultaneously- then nearly choking to death. Oh yes, that's one I forgot to mention! (lucky that Kristoff knew the Heimlich maneuver!). Tsk tsk, will she ever learn her lesson?<p>

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><p>This is an average Kingdom. (A roof blew off) These are average homes. (A home just caught on fire) Average people live here (how did that guy just shoot out of the chimney like that?)-having average accidents. (A car just crashed through the garage) Because they don't use average intelligence. It's like I said: Don't blame Fate for your carelessness.<p>

THE END


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